Inland Revenue Department — Megan Mills
Finalist: Best Plain English Sentence Transformation 2012
from 'internal publication'
Original sentence
An orchestrated approach is desirable to ensure the product is delivered using a tailored approach based on understanding of the areas needs and workflow dynamics.
Rewritten sentence
We want users to get products in a way that is useful for them. We need to work together to do that.
Judges' comment
The rewrite beautifully does the job of bringing simplicity and understanding. While the original was almost incomprehensible, the rewrite connects with the reader and comprehension is immediate.
Media statement
It’s an honour to be named as a finalist in this year’s WriteMark Plain English Awards. At Inland Revenue, we’re committed to a plain English approach when we communicate with our internal and external customers. Plain English ensures readers get the right message straightaway, without the need to go back and read everything again. A well-organised, clear message helps reassure customers they’re dealing with a competent, professional organisation. Finally, plain English puts the burden of communication where it should be ― with the writer, not the reader.
Megan Mills
Technical Writer