State Services Commission
Winner: People's Choice — Worst 'Brainstrain' Communication 2013
Job description: Director — Continuous Improvement
Gregory Fortuin, Trustee of WriteMark Plain English Awards Trust, with Alison McDonald, Director of Continuous Improvement at the State Services Commission
Judges' comment
One judge commented: “It has a conventional layout and presentation as long as you don’t try and read it.”
Potential applicants would find it difficult to determine if they had the necessary skills, what experience would be useful, and what they were required to achieve.
If the State Services Commission wrote an advert in plain language, it would be a huge step towards continuous improvement!
Media statement
Okay, fair cop (not necessarily a plain English phrase, but one that New Zealanders use from time to time when admitting guilt) — and we do.
Our nomination for the ‘Brain strain’ award was a very timely reminder that we need to take our own medicine. We’ve taken a good look at the way we write our recruitment advertisements and developed a useful guide for staff. It includes detail on how to construct information that is more engaging and useful to potential applicants — making sure it’s: clear; succinct; relevant; easy to read and understand; uses plain English; gets to the point fast; avoids the use of jargon — also referred to on occasion as ‘gobbledygook’.
The good news is that we got some great applicants and we’re thrilled to say the position has been filled with an excellent (and plain speaking) candidate. But seriously, we do take your point and we’re making changes to turn things around. In fact, we’ve already engaged with staff about the need to use plain English (and Te Reo Māori when it’s appropriate). We’ve updated our Style Guide with good guidance and examples that will help to make us all better communicators — including writers of job advertisements that excite rather than disadvantage or confuse potential candidates wanting to join our team here at the State Services Commission.
For more about your State Services Commission view our website [email protected] — and do let us know if there’s any way we can improve the online experience that you have.
Diane Hughes
Communications Advisor