ANZ
Sentence from ANZ Guarantee
Finalist: Best Plain English Sentence Transformation
Judges' comment
You’ve done a great job of reducing the average sentence length. While the number of words in the original and in the rewrite is about the same (104 vs 100), the revised version now has five sentences, with an average sentence length of 20 words.
You’ve rewritten the sentences in clear, concise plain English and got rid of redundant terminology. We think you might be able to make it even more concise.
The original text is a nightmare — so complex it’s virtually meaningless. We really struggled to understand it. However, after reading your rewrite, we think you’ve captured the intent of the original. You’ve certainly made it much clearer.
Your revision is a vast improvement on the original. Well done for making any sense of it at all — let alone clarifying it well. While the new version is not much shorter, it is a masterpiece of clarity. Congratulations on a fabulous translation.
Media statement
At ANZ we are committed to using plain English, simplifying our documents one sentence at a time. We are proud to be a finalist for the Best Sentence Transformation. Our new plain English guarantee shows that it is possible to rewrite complex legal documents into clear and simple language.