{"id":1036,"date":"2016-11-03T10:36:59","date_gmt":"2016-11-03T10:36:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.plainenglishawards.org.nz\/?page_id=1036"},"modified":"2016-11-07T04:49:58","modified_gmt":"2016-11-07T04:49:58","slug":"winner-peoples-choice-worst-brainstrain-communication-2016","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.plainenglishawards.org.nz\/winners\/2016-awards\/winner-peoples-choice-worst-brainstrain-communication-2016\/","title":{"rendered":"Winner: People\u2019s Choice \u2014 Worst \u2018Brainstrain\u2019 Communication 2016"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

\n

Document name<\/h4>\n

Business Process Coordinator job description<\/p>\n

\n

Judges’ comment<\/h4>\n

The winning document \u2014 a job description \u2014 is a classic example of the myth that a verbose and impersonal document is somehow more professional than a concise and engaging one.<\/p>\n

This 1700-word document contains just 16 sentences, but their average length is 34\u00a0words with the worst sentence clocking in at 62 words!<\/p>\n

The document’s focus is on the organisation and department rather than the role and reader. Using the word \u2018you\u2019 would have made the document more engaging to potential applicants.<\/p>\n

Overall, this document\u2019s well-intentioned thoroughness has come at the cost of readability and usefulness.<\/p>\n

\n

The\u00a0 62-word sentence from the job description<\/h4>\n

The OSP Group ensures that the GM and ELT are provided with strategic vision and leadership in the planning, development, implementation and operation of Service wide governance-related support services, policy and Speakers Directions advice, and communication advice and services for engaging with the Parliamentary Service workforce, Members of Parliament, and the public, through the sector approach with the Office of the Clerk.<\/p>\n

\n

Video acceptance speech<\/h4>\n