{"id":3178,"date":"2018-11-16T09:00:29","date_gmt":"2018-11-15T20:00:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.plainenglishawards.org.nz\/?page_id=3178"},"modified":"2018-12-03T11:34:22","modified_gmt":"2018-12-02T22:34:22","slug":"finalist-best-plain-english-sentence-transformation-2018-2","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/www.plainenglishawards.org.nz\/winners\/2018-awards\/finalist-best-plain-english-sentence-transformation-2018-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Finalist: Best Plain English Sentence Transformation 2018"},"content":{"rendered":"

<\/p>\n

Document name<\/h4>\n

Letter to overseas client<\/i><\/p>\n

\n

Original sentence<\/h4>\n

There has been a change to your New Zealand payment<\/p>\n

Thank you for your payment of NZD $580.00 received on 23 August 2018.<\/p>\n

Your overpayment has been fully repaid.
\n[29 words; 3 sentences]<\/p>\n

\n

Rewritten sentence<\/h4>\n

We wanted to let you know we received your payment of NZD$580.00 on 23\u00a0August\u00a02018. Thanks for that.<\/p>\n

Good news, the money you owe us has been fully paid back.
\n[31 words; 2 sentences]<\/p>\n

\n

Judges’ comments<\/h4>\n

This structure is excellent. It sandwiches a friendly, relational comment between two clear important statements. The structure and friendly tone brings relief to the reader.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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